Perfection: The Murderer

Perfection is a murderer.

I saw a Christmas Card from a friend which says: "All we want for Christmas is you to think we're perfect." Why the heck would you want that? Why would you even say that? Isn't there enough keeping up with the Jones' going around anyway and all it leads to, really, is exhaustion and bruises on your self image. This really bothered me, and bothers me still. On a Christmas card? Really?

The idea of being "perfect" kills people.

There is only one person who has or will be perfect and we are not Him. We can be "perfect" in Him and it is the only way we can return back to God, but Christ's "perfect" is different than what the world sees as "perfect."

The world's perfect is false. There is no true foundation for it. What does that even mean? "Perfect."  Depending on who you talk to there will always be someone else's ideas on perfect. Are you the perfect 1950's housewife? Are you the perfect Muslim woman, Mormon woman, perfect student, perfect house keeper, cook, baby sitter, the perfect working mom...? Are you the highest person in the company? Are you making gazillions of dollars because you are the man no company can live without? Do you have a beard? Are you clean shaven? Are you feeling enough? Are you tough enough? What the heck!?

I was actually just watching "Mona Lisa Smile" and they actually exploring the 1950's housewife and stigmas of girls while they were actually going through college. They were being taught poise, how to sit and stand, and home ec classes so instead of going off to be a lawyer instantly getting married and having babies.

(Disclaimer: I believe families are the most important thing there is. I would love to have a large family with many kids and I enjoy being a stay-at-home mom. I went to school and graduated college and use my degree in a non-work environment and I enjoy it. I love my son, I love my husband, I love being able to be myself and being okay with that.)

 Am I a 1950's house wife, not in the least. Seeing that experience from a friend who is a generation older than I am and was abusively raised to be the type of wife where every single spot in your house must be polished, dishes in the sink don't exist, dinner on exactly when then husband gets home,  where you iron your husband's shirt--because apparently he can't do it himself--, etc. And seeing how she has no life after her kids left because she was so enthralled in her children's life that she couldn't find time to be/find out who she was on her own. It is heartbreaking. That ideal, that image that women especially are always put up against, weather intentional or not.

Men are as well. All men, it seems, are supposed to be in a white-collar job, "bringing home the bacon." Where it is unsightly to have a janitorial job or work with your hands. You aren't as awesome as those in business suits. (Completely false statement!!) Men are still pressured to be successful and make a billion dollars a year otherwise they are seen as worthless. They aren't "perfect."

Ugh, I hate it.

I don't want to be seen as "perfect". It is overrated.

Sure it's good if dinner turns out well and to have a tidy enough house at the end of the day. My house is lived in, not some museum. My house is warm with love, most of the time. Are there ants currently on my floor because I can't freaking get them to go away? Yes. Is my apartment small? Yes. Are there times when there is only $5 in the bank for nearly a week until payday? Yes. Are there times when we only survive because of tithing? Absolutely! It is the only way we've survived for most of my life. 

God has taken care of us because we try our best. To be honest we could be better. But we are working on it. Striving to be better than we are now is not the same as striving to be perfect. God knows our potential. He knows what we can do when we are at our best, but he also knows what we can do now and will work with us. He will work through us.

I want you all, the whole world to know, you are loved. I don't know you, but I love you. I want you to do better than you were yesterday. Not perfect. Better, until you can reach your best. Don't let the idea of "perfection" murder your self-esteem, because you are beautiful. Keep working. Be diligent. Everyone can work to be better. You can be better.

Wonder Woman?

I'm a full time mother and a full time college student. My best friend, who is now a mother of two beautiful twin babies, called me Wonder Woman, after I had my son and went back full time at school so I could finish. Yes, I do have a very energetic two year old which makes doing any kind of homework much more difficult, but I wouldn't say "Wonder Woman."

There are many other women who have more kids than I do with much more difficult circumstances than I do. Many divorced or otherwise single mom's are going back to school. A classmate of mine was talking with me just this evening about her three kids, ranging from eleven to three years old, who is planning to graduate when I do. She isn't just doing it with kids, but she's doing it without a husband. I'm twenty-three years old and, while she's not ancient and needing a walker to get around, she's older than I am by at least fifteen years.

If anything, she, and all the women like her who are forced by circumstance to go back to school and take and pay for hundreds of credit hours, are the real Wonder Women.

Often times I complain about this teacher or that assignment. I may have dyslexia, which makes reading assignments as an English Major that much more difficult. We are given (no joke) fifteen novel length books alongside a plethora of short stories and essays that we are asked to read for one single class. I don't even read some of the material because I know I won't be able to finish the entire novel and my other classes assignments at the same time. Right now, if I were to get a good grade in this particular literature class, my history and writing classes would tank. I've had many moments where I have to weigh the many against the one--and this class, with an awful teacher, is the one that gets left behind.

Is it Wonder Woman to prioritize and manage my time? Is it Wonder Woman to suddenly realize that while I've been doing homework my son has watched three movies in a row and it's suddenly almost nap time and no one has eaten lunch? Is it Wonder Woman to freak out and feel like my brain is about to explode because so many words have suddenly been jam-packed into it like an overloaded suitcase?  Not one more sock, not one more word, will fit in this suitcase no matter how hard I try at times. It makes my head ache being on the verge of explosion as I hit ten o'clock at night and crawl into bed because I can't take consciousness anymore.

There is no way, I could do this--being a mom of a two year old, do school whether it was full time or not--on my own. If I was on my own I would also have to have some type of job as well. I don't think I could honestly do it. Any two of the three, yes. But I couldn't do all of them on my own. Even with my supportive husband I can only do two.

If it weren't for my husband and the support that he is--he wants me to finish school and become an author and be the mother I want to be--I couldn't do it. I am weak like that. Having him near makes me strong.

So am I Wonder Woman?

No. That title goes to other women who go through more than I do and succeed.

I am a Partner. Partner in my marriage. When I am at class, my loving husband watches our son. When I'm at home doing homework he is at work or does "ground control" to keep our son occupied so I'm not disturbed--too much. And when I graduate in December, then my husband can fully occupy himself with his schooling and his career. My husband has given me my time to gain the knowledge I wish to acquire, then I can do the same for him. All the while, having our beautiful family.

I don't need to be Wonder Woman, because I have a wonderful husband who tells me that I don't have to go through this alone.